The Brieble: Old Cheese
by Astavir
Summary: This book is a combination of the biggest nonsense in the world and fierce critisism on the society. It is about the Brie, the allmighty and only true Lord. The creator of all that exists. The Cheeses are his people and they worship him faithfully. Just like Old Testament is about the Jewish history, this book is about the history of the Cheeses. You might recognize some characters


**_Genesis: "The Prologue"_**

In the very beginning there was nothing, except the Brie. The Brie felt lonely and decided to create something that we now call earth. He also created "the Cheeses", who were to rule this world. If they saw the Brie, they would die straightaway because of his holiness.

The Cheeses had a moderate capitalistic system, where freedom and rationalism were the major political influences. They tought that everyone had the right to be himself and they don't have to behave like the mainstream. That's why the Cheeses where often called 'Hipsters'. The state-structure was based on an absolutistic monarchy. The kings of the Cheeses where two brothers from the mozarella Tribe, named God and Darwin. They where envied eachother because they both wanted to be superiour leader, while the Brie had commanded them to rule the world together. Nevertheless, the brothers conciliated because of the fact that they had a common enemy: the Nazicommunists from the solar system of Nazireth (later translated as Nazareth).

The Nazicommunists where cactusses. They strived for a classless society with a chosen dictator. The racial doctrine was also implanted in their ideology. Only race-cactusses where allowed to use the collective goods and only they had the right to vote. Everyone who wasn't a race-cactus was only allowed to make bread via prostitution. Cactusses didn't use money, they were communists. That's why they 'make bread' instead of 'making money'. A lot of people think that the Brie created the Cheeses before the Cactusses. This, however, isn't true. The Nazicommunists where a failed project. The creationproject of the Cactusses is also named the 'Manhattan project'.

After the twentiest Gulf war, that lasted 1001 nights, the Cactusses where finally defeated by the Persian wasn't a commen enemy anymore, so the coflict between God and Darwin escalated again. They tried to get as many as possible followers.

Because the Cheeses had never seen the Brie, it was easy for God to say that HE created earth. He wrote a book, called 'the Bible', that really looked like the Brieble. Instead of 'Old Cheese' and 'New Cheese' he made up the Old and New 'Testaments. Darwin on the other hand, claimed that the earth has come into existance by science and coincedence. He also wrote a book. It was called "On the Origin of Species".

After years of lies, deception and indoctrination, all the Cheeses had abandoned the one true religion. Nobody believed in the Brie anymore. Half of the Cheeses believed in the words of God and his good friends Allah and Jaweh. The other half believed in in Darwin and his companions Newton and Hawking. The once harmonious world fell apart into two ideologic blocks. The west followed Darwin and the east followed God.

It didn't take long before a huge stainless steel wall was built up between the blocks. It was called the "Stainless Steal Curtain". The western people merged their countries and called their new country the 'United States of Archimedes"(USA). The eastern people did the same. They called themselves the 'Union of Socialist Sovjet Religions"(USSR). After these alliances were formed, the mutual hatred grew. The USA and USSR kept telling their people how bad 'the enemy' was on television and radio time after time. But then, Darwin called God a an underdog on world television. God became so angry, that he declared war upon Darwin.

Thirteen years of bloody wars between Gods and Darwinists passed. Then suddenly, the Brie let the lightning struck at the Eiffel Tower. "IT IS ENOUGH!", he screamed. "From now on, you will be created out of moulds and milk by the new rules, the humans!" The Brie had spoken. Humans still eat cheese and it will always be that way.


End file.
